Jokes

Humor

Date: Mon, 20 Apr 1998 12:47:42 -0500

16> Safe sex activists insist on mandatory condom-purchasing scene before each couple pairs off on "The No Glove, No Love Boat."

15> Newly-divorced Kathie Lee beds a different man every week while humming, "If He Could See Me Now."

14> Captain Kennedy is too drunk to notice the ship's course is from Boston to New York City and back 6 times a day.

13> For some reason, every episode is 3 hours long and involves an iceberg.

12> New crew member Weasel, the ship's Sexual Harassment Officer, kind of kills the mood.

11> "Day 47: Had to eat another passenger, but now we'll have an even number for the shuffleboard tournament tomorrow."

10> Captain Clinton French kisses each woman passenger as they board.

9> Hopes for a second season dashed when James Cameron signs on to direct 13th episode.

8> Only Hanson could turn a merely annoying TV theme song into a teeth-grinding, hair-pulling, ear-bleeding experience.

7> Wacky hijinks ensue when Purser George Michael forced to fill in for bathroom attendant.

6> Ship's Dr. Kevorkian drowns Pia Zadora in the pool, and throws Andy Griffith overboard.

5> Isaac, the Bartender replaced by Phil, the Starbucks Guy.

4> Goodbye, Dramamine. Hello, Viagra!

3> At the end of every episode: "They killed Leonardo! You bastards!!"

2> During a relapse, Julie forces Captain Stuebing to take the boat into Colombian waters.

and the Number 1 Change in the New "Love Boat"...

1> Cost-cutting results in combined character, Captain Bartender Hazelwood.