The Ultimate Urban Legend
The Ultimate Urban Legend
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 1999 12:49:36 -0500
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having
been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day
he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of
ice and he was sore all over. When he got out the tub he realized that HIS
KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!"
but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer,
and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he
opened an email entitled "Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was
working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls
around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers
get together and distribute the $600 Nieman-Marcus cookie recipe under the
leadership of Bill Gates (It's true-I read it all last week in a mass email
from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disneyworld
Vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the email to everyone I know).
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing
kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-
infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said "Welcome to the
world of AIDS."
Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital-the one, actually where
that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for
everyone in the world to send him an email and the American Cancer Society
has agreed to pay him a nickel for every email he receives. I sent him two
emails and one of them was a bunch of X's and O's in the shape of an angel (if
you get it and forward it to twenty people you will have good luck but ten
people only will give you OK luck and if you send it to less than ten people
you will have bad luck FOR SEVEN YEARS!)
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way
he noticed another car driving along without its lights on. To be helpful, he
flashed his lights and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
And it's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.
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